If Only I Could Have Been
by ChangelingX
Summary: If only he could have been stronger. Then he could have held her longer... - *Contains minor violence* Pairing:China x Taiwan Disclaimer:I don't own Hetalia or it's characters. Note:I have nothing against Japan -


Things were too silent now. The piercing quiet the scarred the surrounding air. The aura was dark and sad. Not what it used to be. With the cheerful shrieks of the others. They were gone now. Taken one way or another. And the worst part was, he couldn't see them. Not anymore. Those days of fun and games were over. The man from the west had taken the one whom had lived closest by. The man from the east had taken the two others. Out of all of them, China had lost the one he cared for most, Taiwan. She was one of the two. Taken away by force from him. He lost that fight. If only he could have won it.  
"If only I could have been stronger," He said.  
It was far too late now. Would he ever see them again? How were they doing now? They were just picked off. One by one to their new destinations they hadn't even agreed to. The westward man's cause, wasn't as harsh as the east. The east would tell the two lies. He would tell them the story in his eyes. What he believed had happened. But not the truth, the truth was that China was unwilling to give them up. The lies, saying that China gave them away. That he didn't care for them. How terribly wrong the east was. How terribly wrong Japan was.

The days before their capture, China had lived with all four in peace. He would care for each one as if they were his own. When they were young, they were a handful. Always getting into things, interrupting meetings with the ancients, playing with dangerous objects. But China would always step in to correct things, and he did it with care. He did not believe in the harsh ways of discipline.  
"Why should I harm them if they aren't harming something in return?" He would ask them, each time one of them would beg him for forgiveness.  
Only a singular soul, Korea, would take this to his advantage. China though regretful, had to resort to more harsh treatment towards the rowdy nation. Though the nation wanted to be friendly, he couldn't always be this way. Being kind was very much harder as they started to grow up, as the east grew up especially.

Japan became more stubborn and violent. Always seeming to care less about how nice of a home he had, taking everything for granted. China always told himself that it was his own fault. And that he could fix Japan's dark spirit. But it never changed, and it grew darker instead. Until that dreadful day. The day that changed everything and put the five nation's lives to risk. Japan's actions were sinful that day. An unsuspecting China had been attacked by the nation. Japan had taken out his katana and tore the blade through China's flesh. There lay a scar after that. Still there but unnoticeable to this day.  
"Japan! What have I done to make you do such a thing!" China had pleaded. Holding back the tears and laying facedown on the floor. Japan answered with nothing and moved on. Never to live in that household again. The remaining three had helped the now depressed nation recover. But he was still mentally ill.  
Sadly for the young nations who still were living in the same household as China, they now had to deal with the shocked nation while he was drunk. He drank often and would break random things around the house. At one point, it became so bad that China ended up attacking Korea, leaving him with a black eye for a week. The still growing nations feared for their own and China's lives. Until one day, when China was ready to lay an assault on them again. Taiwan hugged him for as long as it took to calm him down. He finally relaxed and excepted the embrace. Holding her close. He promised them that he wouldn't let himself harm them again. And sobbed for hours.

China sat by the pond. His hand trailing over the water causing gentle ripples over the surface. How quiet it was he thought. The memories rolling through his mind over and over. The sweet song of birds was replaced with the low rumble of thunder. There was no rain, but the smell of it was strong in the air. It probably would soon. Every minute the thunder became closer and more powerful but China payed little attention to it. He just wanted everyone back, back to the days before.  
"Why had everything fallen apart so suddenly?" He asked no one. No one was there for him anymore. They were close by but didn't invite his presence. At any cost he would invite them instead but they never listened. It was the same sad story over and over again. A constant reminder of what had gone wrong.  
He had missed the meaningful and serious stare of Japan. The soulless gaze in his eyes, frightening, but gave you a sense of stillness and tranquility. He had missed the intelligent dialogue of Hong Kong. Who's words were not carefully thought but yet had a wise air to him. It was almost as if like Japan, he was hiding something and was careful enough to conceive it with mere speech. He missed the energetic and strong personality of Korea. That nation could make anything light hearted. And although he would sometimes perform inappropriate actions, China had always said that it was unintentional and everyone gets into the situation at some point. He had missed the silent beauty of Taiwan. She was always cheerful and kind to those she knew. She would at times get into trouble but that's what China liked about her. She was daring and brave and enjoyed new things. Oh how he missed her so very much.

Some time later, the others were picked off slowly. China thought Japan was bad enough, but then England came, the blonde man from the west sea. He had come through less violent means but they were still filled with tensions and China couldn't help but feel broken inside as Hong Kong, the one who lived the closets was being taken away right before his eyes. What had China done to deserve such large tragedies?  
"Why are they being taken away?" He sobbed. If only he was brave enough to fend off the sudden guest. Maybe he could have prevented the capture of Hong Kong.  
Next came Korea. It was more of a relief than anything else when China had lost to Japan. But he couldn't help but feel lonely as Korea was taken in the same matter as the other two. Walking away slowly with sad eyes as he turned to face China. The look in his gaze told China that he wasn't going to give up without a fight. The sheer curiosity of mixed feelings within China had masked the final one being taken away at the same time: Taiwan.

Why did she have to go? It sounded almost selfish. But China couldn't hold back the fact that it was true. He cared for her more than the others and he was starting to grow hatred for Japan which he had deeply regretted. But China hadn't done anything to Japan had he?_ Had _he? He shoved that aside. He would watch Taiwan go. To China's horror, she looked happier with Japan and didn't fight back. Japan seemed to take great interest in the small island. He treated her kindly and took great care of her. China was thankful for Japan's kind actions but he was devastated that Taiwan preferred him. Was China too late? He hadn't taken action to the island quick enough. Merely keeping it for the sake of keeping it. Was this why Japan had left? Because China was unwilling to civilize any of the islands himself?  
"If only I wasn't too late."  
Too late indeed. When no one was not around, China would admire Taiwan. He would stroke the fine streaks of hair while she slept by the pond. Kiss her forehead and smile gently as she shifted in her dreams. All this time ignoring the simple fact that he was not actually providing enough for her? He tried his best to treat her well but was incorrect with physical care. Even so, China continued on this way. One day while she was sitting upright and staring longingly into the clear water as if wanting something, China had come by with a gift for her. Two pink flowers placed on either side of hear head. She would thank him kindly and smile at the present given to her. China would smile warmly back. He felt himself heat up with an unfamiliar emotion. One that he had never felt before. But he ignored it and life continued on.

What was that emotion? Was it happiness or more? China could not fathom what he felt during the moment but it came again as he watched Taiwan leave with the man from the east. Except this time is was hurtful and he almost wanted to scream. He wanted Taiwan back. He didn't want her to leave. So many times after that he had tried to get her back but she refused. It was all his fault. If only that never happened.  
"If only I could have been stronger. Maybe Japan wouldn't have defeated me and taken those who I care about most," China murmured. Once again staring into the cold dark water that he and Taiwan had relaxed by so often.  
China went over the feeling he had that time ago. What was it? It couldn't have been happiness because he felt it again after Taiwan left. He was anything but happy. He had gone over the emotions he knew and experienced. He was getting close he knew. He cared about her, admired her, gave her gifts, and...kissed her. Maybe they were simple and quick but they were still meaningful. He thought of the last possible thing he could think of. He reasoned, he loved her. He loved her and always will. No matter what she says or does, she will always be the young Taiwan that China had cared for so much. But that didn't change the fact that she was still...

Gone..


End file.
